“Don’t count the number of friends you have, but the number of friends you can count on.” – Unknown
I’m only 25, and I’ve experienced many ups and downs when it comes to friendship. Friends come and go; they’re close when distant, or lost in their own life without a worry for you.
I felt like writing this post because I have reached a point in my life where I have no time for nonsense people, and I genuinely appreciate the ones in my life that make me truly happy.
This post isn’t to bash any friends I have made in the past that aren’t in my life anymore, or to overly praise myself as being a great friend. I’ve made mistakes too, and still do. We’re all far from perfect, but there are definitely traits we all carry that make us immediately connect and stay with someone. These are just some important things I’ve learned in my bold age when it comes to friendship, and to keeping the ones that are genuine.
I’ve been knowingly lied to, and have also been approached by friends to discuss difficult, awkward subjects. I will take the latter over the former. I appreciate the ones that are honest with me 100% despite how I may react to what they say. It shows they care about me, and I’m not considered a person they need to walk on eggshells for. I hate liars, and I’m sure you do too. Honesty is the best policy in any type of friendship.
They set aside pride.
Nothing should stop us from apologizing, or simply reaching out to a friend we care about. I have let this stop me before, and it’s not something I’m proud of. We cannot feel inferior when it comes to instigating an awkward subject with someone we care about. It’ll get better or worse, but hey, at least it happened, and both of you grow from it.
They accept your unique character.
Not everyone will have the exact same personality, and that’s exactly what attracts us to our friends. As long as we have other quality features, we shouldn’t let someone’s quirk stop us from befriending them. We are not perfect. We are human.
They don’t forget you, despite their own crazy life (near or far).
We have all been the victim of someone else’s crazy life, and it doesn’t feel good. You feel very ignored, and under-valued as a friend. Especially if you considered this person a close friend of yours before. It doesn’t take much time to have a nice phone chat, or respond to a simple text, even though we don’t get to see each other often. Of course we all have busy lives, but that shouldn’t excuse us from forgetting people we care about.
They don’t replace you as new friends come aboard.
We definitely have the social butterfly in our lives. And some may actually not give a crap about you as soon as new friends come around. A real friend will always remember you, despite their developing social circle. Like I’ve previously said, it doesn’t take much to have a phone call or to send a text to see how you’re doing.
They don’t keep count.
Sometimes you feel like the friend with many problems. I’ve definitely been the person to call my friends for advice more than vice versa, but that depends on a lot of things: I’m more anxious, I overthink, I overreact. But that doesn’t mean I’m not an ear to help them when they have troubles. Once you start keeping track about how much you help the other over them helping you, you can start feeling resentful, like your friend does not care about your problems. Stop. They care, they will always care. If a friend suddenly disappears when you need a shoulder or an ear, by all means, reevaluate. But not if a friend has more worries than you.
They praise your success, despite the lack of their own.
It’s crazy how some people actually may despise you for having certain successes. But the ones that tell you how proud they are of you and happy they are for you despite their own circumstances are true friends. Friends who show true support for successes in your career, relationship, future, etc., despite not having any luck in their own, are ones to keep. They don’t compare their life to yours, and they know you still support them for they future endeavors. They appreciate your happiness in the moment and continue cheering you on.
Having said all this, a friend worth keeping is essentially one that doesn’t make you feel like crap. They don’t benefit your life or make you feel good; the reciprocation for a healthy, happy friendship is gone. If you have a friend that treats you well, make sure you’re doing the same for them.
Shed the dead weight.
Keep the good ones close and make more time for them.
Don’t keep count of favours.
Numbers don’t matter!
P.S. Thank you, thank you, thank you, to all the friends I’ve made and kept thus far. You truly are a core part of my life that keep me going, and I wouldn’t be where I am without your genuine friendship. I love you. I hope you think the same of me.